If You Were Here (Jen Lancaster)

Dear Jen,

If You Were Here, I'd cheerfully reminisce with you about the evening we spent together at Barnes and Noble.  I, along with 300 or so of your devoted fans, listened to you read an excerpt from this long-awaited piece of fiction and then waited in an impossibly long line inside the sultry San Diego bookstore (why was it so hot in there?) so we could briefly chat and pose for a photo while you signed my book.  I've looked forward to meeting you, Soul Sista', for over two years.  Well worth the wait.

If You Were Here, I'd enthusiastically share North Shore Chicago survival tactics with you so that you could navigate the Northbrook Whole Foods without getting arrested.  My husband, Brian, was born and raised in the Land of All Things John Hughes, attended "Shermer High School" and could teach PhD-level courses in dealing with the often pushy and condescending residents of that area.  By association, I can now do the same.

If You Were Here, I'd shamefully admit to you that I read only two (well, three) books this spring as I anticipated the arrival of yours this summer.  And I haven't read another since.

If You Were Here, I'd proudly boast that I caught your every John Hughes reference while reading the book (I think).  What a privilege to have experienced his films before Judd Nelson permanently rocked the drug dealer look and before Emilio Estevez's Charlie Sheen lost his mind.  Winning!

If You Were Here, I'd candidly tell you (because I think that Soul Sistas should be able to be candid) that, despite my unending adoration for you, this book was rather sub-par.  In fact, if you hadn't signed my copy, I might be tempted to sell it to my favorite independent bookseller, Changing Hands, in an effort to recoup at least a portion of the money I spent on it.  And this makes me incredibly sad.

If You Were Here, I'd selfishly suggest that you write another memoir.  I miss your sassy recollections and long for the next installation of what could be your own reality show.  Fiction is not your forte.  It's not mine, either, so no judgment.  I'm just being honest here (see previous paragraph regarding candor).  And, at this point in the conversation, you'd gently (or not so gently) remind me that your next book is, indeed, a memoir. Good news for both of us!

If You Were Here, I'd sincerely thank you for the obvious hard work you did to get this book published, regardless of my personal opinion. 

If You Were Here, I'd now expertly roll the credits while "(Don't You) Forget About Me" played in the background. 

See you next year.

With Sista-ly Love,
Diana